🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more. Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many gay men engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting what you want completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a US-based psychotherapist focusing on addressing sexual disorders.